Over the years, I have benefited from many courses in communication skills (I have even run some myself). They have all been useful, but there are limits to what training can achieve.
First, the very existence of such courses may encourage people to think that communication is all about techniques, and that there are experts out there who can tell or show us how to do it better.
Second, in practice the picture is always much wider than the individual’s skills. People communicate in a specific situation and there is always a history to it. So general principles and role playing may be inadequate to bring about the changes desired.
And third, if a course is focused on just one type of communication (e.g. either face-to-face or written), it may fail to address some of the most interesting dilemmas we face, such as the choices we are forced to make between email, telephone and face-to-face contact.
For some time, I have felt increasingly drawn to other sources of insight and illumination, especially: (1) paying attention, in the moment, to my own experience of communication; (2) reflective writing; and (3) using stories and literature to gain a deeper understanding of human relating. These three methods, if one can call them that, are well suited to exploring the complexities and subtleties of human relating. (I prefer the term ‘human relating’ to 'communication', as the ‘-ing’ suggests something that is in movement rather than a static ‘thing’.)
So, what would I suggest to a young professional eager to get better at communication, whether or not it is mediated by smartphones and other gadgets? For a start, I do think it’s worth taking every interesting training opportunity offered by your employer, whether it’s about public speaking, business writing, coaching or something else.
There are also some more unusual approaches to developing better conversational skills. ‘Nonviolent Communication’, ‘SAVI’ and Time To Think™ immediately spring to mind. I’ve recently looked into all three and have found each one useful, up to a point. In particular, one of the great things about Time To Think™ (even though I’m not so keen on the trademark) is that it involves taking turns to (i) think aloud and (ii) listen. This not only allows you to practise your listening skills but also encourages you to work out what you think, without interruption.
If you want to go beyond courses, here’s a bit more about the methods I mentioned earlier:
1. The art of noticing. Practise consciously paying attention to your everyday experience of human relating. Do you feel at ease in the midst of a conversation? Or is something troubling you that you don’t feel able to mention? Could you find a way of bringing it up? That might just shift something between you and the person you are talking to (as long as you do it thoughtfully – e.g. describing your own experience rather than blaming or complaining).
2. The wisdom of fiction. If you sense that a novel or film has depths in it that you would like to explore further, take a closer look. I favour reading/watching it again and then using reflective writing to explore what struck me. Or simply cast you mind back to a particular scene or memorable moment and associate freely in your mind - what was going on between the lines, do you recall a similar experience from your own life?
3. If you like writing, take pen and paper and put down your thoughts and musings. No need to share these with anybody else; just write freely for yourself. You might be amazed at what emerges.
Related reading
“Beyond communication skills” by Alison Donaldson & Michael MacMahon. Published in e-Organisations & People, Summer 2016, Vol. 23, No. 2. Download PDF.
First, the very existence of such courses may encourage people to think that communication is all about techniques, and that there are experts out there who can tell or show us how to do it better.
Second, in practice the picture is always much wider than the individual’s skills. People communicate in a specific situation and there is always a history to it. So general principles and role playing may be inadequate to bring about the changes desired.
And third, if a course is focused on just one type of communication (e.g. either face-to-face or written), it may fail to address some of the most interesting dilemmas we face, such as the choices we are forced to make between email, telephone and face-to-face contact.
For some time, I have felt increasingly drawn to other sources of insight and illumination, especially: (1) paying attention, in the moment, to my own experience of communication; (2) reflective writing; and (3) using stories and literature to gain a deeper understanding of human relating. These three methods, if one can call them that, are well suited to exploring the complexities and subtleties of human relating. (I prefer the term ‘human relating’ to 'communication', as the ‘-ing’ suggests something that is in movement rather than a static ‘thing’.)
So, what would I suggest to a young professional eager to get better at communication, whether or not it is mediated by smartphones and other gadgets? For a start, I do think it’s worth taking every interesting training opportunity offered by your employer, whether it’s about public speaking, business writing, coaching or something else.
There are also some more unusual approaches to developing better conversational skills. ‘Nonviolent Communication’, ‘SAVI’ and Time To Think™ immediately spring to mind. I’ve recently looked into all three and have found each one useful, up to a point. In particular, one of the great things about Time To Think™ (even though I’m not so keen on the trademark) is that it involves taking turns to (i) think aloud and (ii) listen. This not only allows you to practise your listening skills but also encourages you to work out what you think, without interruption.
If you want to go beyond courses, here’s a bit more about the methods I mentioned earlier:
1. The art of noticing. Practise consciously paying attention to your everyday experience of human relating. Do you feel at ease in the midst of a conversation? Or is something troubling you that you don’t feel able to mention? Could you find a way of bringing it up? That might just shift something between you and the person you are talking to (as long as you do it thoughtfully – e.g. describing your own experience rather than blaming or complaining).
2. The wisdom of fiction. If you sense that a novel or film has depths in it that you would like to explore further, take a closer look. I favour reading/watching it again and then using reflective writing to explore what struck me. Or simply cast you mind back to a particular scene or memorable moment and associate freely in your mind - what was going on between the lines, do you recall a similar experience from your own life?
3. If you like writing, take pen and paper and put down your thoughts and musings. No need to share these with anybody else; just write freely for yourself. You might be amazed at what emerges.
Related reading
“Beyond communication skills” by Alison Donaldson & Michael MacMahon. Published in e-Organisations & People, Summer 2016, Vol. 23, No. 2. Download PDF.